Well, it appears that we have survived another New Year’s without the apocalyptic fallout from Y2k (we’re still convinced it’s coming), so after a week off we here at UFOTD have finally emerged from our fallout shelters, ready to greet the new decade with some fresh, old-fashioned B.S.

Hey, speaking of B.S. doomsday scenarios, have you heard about this “Global Warming” stuff?  We just heard about it ourselves, but apparently they’ve been talking about it for like 30 years now.  After exhaustive research from our staff, we’ve discovered the true cause.  Contrary to popular belief that Global Warming is caused by carbon emissions and the subsequent Greenhouse Effect, the actual cause is what we like to call the “Hell on Earth” effect.  As documented by Trey Parker and Matt Stone in their documentary “South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut”, the cause of Global Warming is the ascension of Satan from the depths of Hell, declaring war on the human race, and reigning in a new era of unspeakable horrors and pain you can’t even imagine (unless you happen to watch “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,” then you have an idea what we’re talking about).  We know what you’re asking, “Wait, can’t we stop Satan from coming to take over Earth?  I mean, he’s trapped in Hell after all.”  The answer is “No.”  The one true claim Global Warming supporters make is that humans are causing it.  The main cause is people actually listening to Al Gore, followed closely by the Nielsen ratings for “Jon & Kate Plus 8.”  No, unfortunately, the people who have made Donald Trump a television star and green-lighted “The Cleveland Show” have brought this upon us (just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, right?).

The only hope humanity has left is for everyone to pull an “Indiana Jones at the end of ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’” and just look away.  DON’T LOOK AT IT! SHUT YOUR EYES! DON’T LOOK AT IT, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!

Happy New Year, everybody!